Envisage
by ChickWG
Summary: What was and what may be
1. Chapter 1

Kate shook her head, trying to focus as she stared at the report she had been examining for the last hour. She flipped through the manual beside her, eyes darting between the folders as her finger ran down the page, jotting down the required information. She wrapped her other hand distractedly around her coffee cup, lifting it to her lips before grimacing as the foul tasted liquid splashed across her tongue. She forced herself to swallow before narrowing her eyes at the cup. She peered at the liquid and felt a frown crease her features. Yep she had definitely left the cup sitting there too long. Funny though, she had not thought that much time had passed.

"X"

She jumped, startled at the sudden utterance of her name, instantly whipping her head around in the direction of the voice. She gave a nod in acknowledgment as the CO approached her, steps echoing in the deserted corridor.

"Sir" she greeted, surprised when he gracefully slid into the booth across from her. She noticed the small twinkle of amusement in his eye and she cursed inwardly, hating that she had been caught unaware. She bit her tongue in irritation as she met his gaze, waiting for him to speak.

"Is this a late finish or an early start?" he questioned as he leant casually against the seat, his demeanor open, friendly. The slight tilt of his head, however, indicated it was more than simple curiosity.

Kate felt herself frown in response, recognizing a hint of concern in his eyes and she shook her head in puzzlement "Sir?" she enquired, not quite understanding what he was asking.

"It's only 300 hours" he stated, as he leaned forward, glimpsing at what she had been working "Logistic reports" he stated with a frown "Kate those aren't due for another five days" he stated knowingly, his own frown creasing his features.

"Just trying to get a head start sir," she replied passively, her tone distant and professional as she turned her eyes back to the report, picking up her pen. She bit her lip to keep from sighing as she diverted her attention back towards him "Is there anything else I can do for you?" she asked when he made no motion to leave.

"Yes there is," he stated an air of authority in his voice as he leaned over, flicking her manual closed as he met here eye "Go to bed" he stated, grabbing the book from her as he began to rise. He saw her open her mouth to protest and he shook his head cutting her off, "I need my XO wide eyed and efficient tomorrow morning. These reports are not your priority tonight," he stated, knowing his only chance was to make it sound that it was in the crew's welfare.

He strained against the triumphant smile that threatened his lips as he watched her sigh, slowing rising from the table, grabbing her coffee cup as she did so.

"Could I at least have the folder bac-" she started, reaching out but he shook his head turning from her, making his way back to his own cabin "Goodnight X" he called over his shoulder and he heard her grumble something in return, her footsteps fading as she headed down the corridor.

Kate flicked open her eyes, turning to glance at her watch propped up near her rack. She stared menacingly at the hands, hoping her glare would force a noticeable movement. She sighed in defeat when the watch continued to ignore her, throwing it against the covers in frustration. Usually she was a methodic sleeper; lay down, close eyes, open eyes, grab watch, watch reads six hundred hours, get up, start day. Lately, however, her watch seemed to have boycotted the number six, stopping at the less wanted numbers of one, two or three. She rubbed her hands against her face tiredly, as she tossed off her covers, planting her feet on the cold floor as she rose. It was just past five hundred hours and she had officially dubbed it "close enough" to warrant getting dressed. She readied herself quietly, knowing Nav was still asleep above her, before heading out into the corridor and towards the galley.

Bomber gave her a sudden look of surprise when she entered the galley, eyes darting to the clock questioningly before turning back to her. "Good morning Mam" she greeted as she continued her daily preparations, washing out the sinks, readying them for use "Where you after something?" she asked expectantly, not used to having her company in her kitchen at the early hour.

"Just the coffee" she answered, sidestepping Bomber as she made her way towards the cupboard, expecting to have to brew the first pot. Her hand was on the cupboard handle before Bomber's voice stopped her.

"Just brewed it should almost be finished," she supplied over her shoulder as she excused herself, the tin of slops from the previous day in her hands.

Kate gave a small nod in return, as she moved over to the corner, listening to the machine bubble as she waited for the coffee to finish. She drummed her fingers against the table impatiently as her mind mulled over the location of her confiscated manual. Probably the CO's cabin she thought as she contemplated her odds of receiving it back. Then, for the second time in less than twenty-four hours, she felt herself jump at the sound of his voice behind her.

"Morning X" he greeted, making his way over to her, leaning against the bench, casting a small smile. She gave a nod and a murmur in reply, her forehead creasing as he continued to stand by her side, offering no conversation.

"Can I help you with something sir?" she asked slightly puzzeled as he continued to lean against the counter silently.

He gave her a genuine smile as he raised his hand, showing her the white coffee mug he was holding before indicating to the machine "Coffee" he supplied and she gave a nod, an embarrassed smile tugging at her lips. "Right" she muttered self consciously, diverting her eyes back to the appliance, her need of coffee becoming dire.

"You know normally I'm the only one in here pestering Bomber for coffee at this hour," he commented, leaning against the bench as he turned to her, subtly taking note of her tired eyes as he attempted to keep the conversation light, remembering from experience that she became more volatile when tired. He felt a small smile grace his features at the old memories before shaking his head, expelling the thoughts from his brain. She was not his Kate, he reminded himself forcefully. Not anymore. Now she was his XO.

He watched in interest as her face clouded over before her eyes widened. She turned to face him an amused smile on her face as she indicated to the coffee "You're why Bomber has already brewed coffee at this hour" she alleged knowingly, a slight teasing in her voice.

"Bomber's a bright girl," he confirmed his lips turning upward in a grin as the coffee finally brewed. She reached out, but he was closer, snatching the hot pot just before her fingers could wrap around the handle. She threw him an irritated look and he could hear the string of profanities that had probably just sprung to her mind. He knew that rank, and only rank, was his saving grace from her onslaught. She remained silent, arms crossed, waiting impatiently for him to pour. The tapping of her foot the only indication of her annoyance.

He shook his head fondly as he reached over pouring her cup before placing his cup on the bench and pouring his own. She gave him a slight nod in thanks, untangling her arms and he knew she had just apologized for most of the profanities. He probably deserved the others, he mused to himself, he had taken her manual after all.

She reached over with the sugar, placing a tablespoon in his cup, before pouring a small amount of milk as she turned to fix her own. He felt a nostalgic smile grace his features as he swirled his spoon in thought. She remembered how he took his coffee. He felt a small tug at his heart, as he took a deep breath trying to ease the aching feeling in his chest.

She gave him a nod as she turned to leave and his arm abruptly shot out, barricading her exit, the wall and bench completing her entrapment. He felt her eyes travel up to his, surprise etched on her features, her mouth open to protest before she snapped it shut. The intensity of his eyes instantly silencing her.

The air seemed to be lost in the room, and he saw a hand reached out towards her. He could have sworn it was not his. His body seemed to have a mind of its own, his brain failing as he found himself moving closer towards her.

The moment he stepped into her space, she felt herself hesitantly pull back. He was close. Too close. The familiar smell of his aftershave suddenly filling her senses and she felt her stomach tighten as memories flashed through her mind, the warmth radiating from him, drawing her in. She may have trained her mind to forget, but her body sure as hell remembered .

She felt herself move towards him, his rough hands gently brushing her hip as she raised her hand placing it on his shoulder, feeling his muscles tense underneath her touch. He tilted his head forward and she felt herself lean towards him.

They were inches apart when he suddenly jerked and she instinctively retracted, the spell suddenly broken as they wrenched apart from each other. He recovered first, clearing his throat as he rubbed his hand across the back of his neck trying to hide the tinge of red. He opened his mouth to speak but it seemed his brain was still AWOL as he struggled to find the words.

The tension was cut short by the sudden intrusion of Bomber into the galley as she placed the slops bucket back under the bench, oblivious to the tension in the room.

The presence of Bomber finally clicked Kate's mind back into gear and Mike almost thumped the bench in frustration as he watched her face resort to her passive blank stare. Her mask. She did not meet his eye, but strode past him, deliberately pouring her coffee down the drain as she exited the galley.

Kate stiffly made her way down the corridor before turning a quick right, reaching for the lavatory door. She berated herself for hiding in the toilet like a thirteen-year-old girl, but she needed to be alone, just for a second and on a patrol boat, privacy was rare. She leaned her head against the closed door, as she took a deep breath closing her eyes momentarily as she tried to calm her racing heart. What the hell, was all she could think as the events of the morning replayed. Her thoughts were interrupted by another memory, his words suddenly ringing in her ears "If I left the Navy, it could open other possibilities"

She cursed as she shook her head trying to clear her thoughts, but his voice continued to echo through her racing brain. Her eyes fluttered closed and she could see his intense eyes boring into her, "Would you miss me?" he asked, looking at her expectantly. Then his intense eyes fell to disappointment when all she had offered was that it would a great loss to the Navy. She bit her lip. Him skippering a boat in the Mediterranean would be a loss. But not just to the Navy.

She braced her hands against the door as she clench her jaw in determination, time's up, she thought to herself as she sucked in one more deep breath. She straightened her posture and dropped her shoulders, reforming herself into the competent and professional XO she needed to be. She opened the door, stepping back out into the corridor, leaving the distraught Kate behind her.


	2. Chapter 2A

**Envisage (Part 2)**

Kate slowly descended the stairs from the bridge, peering over her shoulder as she watched Buffer settle himself onto the chair, before the door clicked shut behind her. She stifled a sigh, trailing her fingers along the rail as she continued her decent. With her watch finished and the Hammersley in Buffer's capable hands, she knew she was no longer needed. She reached the platform, ending her decent, but her legs continued to carry her along the corridor before instinctively halting, a chill running down her spine as she turned. The stark black letters stood against the steel backdrop and she clenched her jaw, determined not to fall to her emotions. CO Cabin. She hated how two simple words could invoke such an involuntary response.

She raised her clenched fist to knock before hesitating, allowing her arm to drop to her side. Two days, she thought inwardly glancing back towards the door. Two days she had been avoiding him and two days that he had let her. She took a deep breath, rolling her shoulders back as she lifted her chin, eyeing the words. She was not stupid, she knew that on a boat of this size avoidance was only possible if both parties enabled it.

Suddenly the door jerked opened and Kate opened her mouth stunned as the stark lettering was replaced with the surprised features of Mike Flynn.

"Kate," he stated simply, his face a distortion of surprise and relief as he eyed her, noticing her fright.

"You have my manual," she muttered quickly, her mind whirling at his sudden appearance. That was plausible, she decided, steadying her breathing as she became more confidant. "Those logistic reports are due in a few days sir," she added, tone cold and professional as she glanced towards him expectantly.

He strained against the smile that threatened his lips as he gave a brief nod in acknowledgment. She had always been a fast thinker, adapting quickly to any situation, but her initial hesitance indicated that her manual needs were not what had led her to his cabin in the late hours of the night. He tried to dispel the thought as he ignored the sense of longing coiling in his abdomen. Instead, he merely indicated with his head for her to follow.

She hesitated, and he turned, stifling a sigh. He opened his mouth to speak before he saw her jaw harden, her posture becoming rigid, as she stepped through the threshold, eying him expectantly.

"Sir," she prompted, her eyes narrowing slightly as he continued to stare in her direction. Her choice of the word 'Sir' brought his mind crashing back to reality. CO and XO, Commander and Executive Officer, Superior and Subordinate his mind chanted as he turned making a show of trying to locate her manual. He knew exactly where it was and he had no doubt she knew this, but he needed a moment and he was ever thankful that she had chosen to indulge him.

"I can come back once you've located it," she offered her tone passive, but he swore he could hear just a hint of empathy in her voice. Instead of feeling a sense of comfort, he felt his abdomen constrict and jaw clench as the tension of the past few days suddenly cracked. This was his ship. His domain. And he had had enough.

"Shut the door," he instructed, as he finally turned back to her, his posture tense. She stared at him, unmoving, and he shrugged in resignation as he took two quick strides to the door, pushing it shut.

She still refused to meet his eyes, her gaze focused on a point over his left shoulder and he reached out his hand, fingers grazing her arm, as he tried to gain her attention.

"Kate," he stated, surprised by the rasp of his voice. His fingers rested lightly upon her arm and she finally turned meeting his gaze, his eyes dark with intensity.

"The manual" she reminded softly, and he gave a brief nod before indicating to his chair "Can you take a seat first?" he asked, biting his lip as he struggled to keep his mind focused, ignoring his body's protest as he stepped aside. She stood motionless before giving a curt nod, shifting past him as she took the requested chair. He closed his eyes briefly, inwardly cursing the smallness of Patrol Boats as he tried to ignore the feel of her against his hip.

He lent against the desk beside her, crossing his arms as he attempted to find the right words to address the tension and the incident in the galley. Technically, they had not done anything wrong but he doubted such a technicality would offer her any comfort. The tension was suffocating as they sat there, the seconds ticking.

Kate inhaled deeply in an attempt to steady herself and instantly wished she had not. His familiar scent lingered in the air and her mind instantly recognized him. Memories suddenly bombarded her, the same scent having filled her senses when he would press his body against her, fingers caressing her skin and he would be everywhere, his warmth engulfing her. She felt her chest instantly tighten at the memory, and she abruptly stood, flinging the chair behind her as it crashed into the desk with a resounding thud.

"I'll finish the reports tomorrow," she declared as she took a step towards the door, needing to leave, needing to regain control. He had sensed her distress, however, instinctively placing his hands on her upper arms as he attempted to still her, trying to ease her sudden alarm.

He stared into her eyes, searching, and he felt his heart still when her perfect mask finally slipped, years of longing mirrored in her eyes. He felt himself instinctively lean towards her, his mind no longer able to comprehend the events of the evening.

"I still have staffing duties to attend," she began softly, releasing a shaky breath, unable to draw her eyes away from his. "And I can draft the reports, I'll double check against the manual…later," she finished as he leaned closer, her heart thudding in her chest.

"It's here…somewhere," he whispered in response, his warm breath tickling her skin. He angled his head instinctively, drawing closer to her lips "My organization is…" he began as he took a shallow breath trying to retain his current thought "Bad," he ended, mind now only capable of basic function.

"You were never good with desk work" she choked and she felt her breath hitch as she tried to retain control.

The hitch of her breath was enough to break his last string of self-control as he felt the tide of emotion crush his resolve. Five years of regret and two years of frustration spurred him as he moved his fingers downward, laying his hands against her hips as he gripped her gently, their lips now less than an inch apart.

He could feel her breath against his skin and he struggled against crushing his lips against hers. Instead he hovered mere inches away, waiting. She did not close the distance but angled her head, aiding his access, as he gently ran his lips over hers, a mere whisper against her mouth. He felt her body tremble against his, as her breathing became heavier, and he moved his hands to encircle her waist in comfort.

He felt her hands slide up his shoulders as he settled his mouth over hers, tugging gently on her bottom lip when she refused to give him entry into her mouth. She would not be his Kate if she had not attempted one last line of defense. He changed tactics, dropping his head as he trailed feather light kisses across the soft skin of her neck. She let out a small groan and he instantly recaptured her mouth, relentlessly drinking her in as he pulled her roughly towards him, needing to feel her small body against his.

"Mike," she pleaded against his lips, her anguish evident as he cupped her face, his hands shaking.

He had finally pulled back and he could hear her chest rising and falling, her shaky breath echoing his own. He pulled her closer to him and she placed her palms forcefully against his chest, pushing him away. He felt his sudden euphoria slip, he knew she was going to run.

She was fast and he staggered slightly, caught off guard by her strength as she broke their embrace. His eyes watched in horror as her fingers wrapped around the handle in a desperate attempt to flee. He knew if he let her go, that would be the end. Nothing would ever get her into an enclosed space with him again. In what he attributed to diligent military training and overly competitive volleyball tournaments, he made one last desperate dive for the door, snapping it shut firmly as he blocked the exit with his body. He looked into her eyes, gleaming with anguish, and he reached out, needing to offer her comfort.

She raised her arm, blocking his hand from her skin as she staggered backwards trying to keep a distance as she struggled to gain control.

"Kate," he stated a sense of urgency in his voice as he tried to calm her, seeing the panic in her eyes as her breathing remained shallow and erratic. She glared at him, warning him to keep his distance and he held his hands up in mock surrender trying to pacify her.

She turned away from him, their labored breathing echoing throughout the enclosed quarters, as she sunk against the wall, needing a moment to steady herself. Then, suddenly, her demeanor shifted as her movements became slow and precise. Her mask settled firmly in place. His eyes remained locked on her, his breathing having stilled as he watched her intently, questions racing through his mind.

She was just out of arms reach when her arm suddenly snaked out across his desk, her hand lacing around an object and he frowned in confusion as he diverted his eyes to the table. That was all she needed as she took the opportunity to slide past him using the door to shield her from his grasp. He staggered, watching as her tiny frame swung around the corner.

The deserted corridor showed no evidence she had ever been there and he would have sworn it was just another dream if his lips were not tingling from her touch.

He rubbed his hands across his face in defeat as he moved back into his cabin, shutting the door with more force than necessary. He growled in frustration as he sunk into his chair, leaning backwards as he tried to comprehend what the hell had just happened. His eyes fall on the now empty space on his desk and his mind struggled to remember what had been there. He felt his eyes suddenly widen as the memory clicked and he let out an aggravated sigh.

She had taken that stupid manual with her.


	3. Chapter 2B

Chapter 2: B

Eight agonizing hours later, Mike made his ascent towards the bridge, hoping that the world would take mercy and give him a spur of activity, anything really, to preoccupy his mind. He stepped onto the bridge, stifling an irritated sigh when he heard the regular beep of the monitors and the relaxed voices of his personnel.

"Good morning sir," Nav stated from her console, giving him a smile as he approached his chair situated beside her. He mumbled a "Good morning" distractedly as he approached, frowning to find a stack of papers lying on his chair, waiting for him. He reached out, picking up the papers as his other arm moved to support the stack, his eyes glimpsing over the document. Logistics reports. He felt the energy drain from him, the reports a stark reminder of the events of the previous night. He set his jaw in resolve as he placed the reports back down on his chair, turning to Nav as he attempted to keep the urgency from his voice.

"Where is the XO?" he stated, eyes drilling into the back of her head expectantly as he tried to appear calm.

She turned to face him as she indicated to the front deck, "Front deck," she stated oblivious to the internal war waging between the two senior officers "But that was over an hour ago," she pointed out, warning him of the chance that she may no longer be there. He gave a stark nod before turning on his heel excusing himself from the bridge.

"Nav you have the ship," he stated giving her a brief nod as he stalked towards the door, trying to remain natural despite the deep sense of dread pooling in his stomach. "Navigator has the ship," she echoed, as he gently shut the door, making his way to the front deck.

He heaved a sigh of relief as he instantly located her, clipboard in hand, attention trained on the machine beside her. He shook his head, feeling his heart tug. He knew the task was not within her duties as XO. Meaning her tasks were completed. He took a deep breath, she would have been working all night.

With a new resolve, he took a few tentative steps towards her. He saw her eyes dart, contemplating the available exits before she diverted her attention back to the machine. He knew her decision to stay had very little to do with actually wanting to be near him, knowing she was simply conscious to the fact that any attempt to flee would look as if she was deliberately trying to avoid him. He knew she was, but he knew she could not let it appear that way.

He approached her silently and she gave a curt nod, her posture stiff as she diverted her attention back to the machine, ticking boxes as she eyed the mechanics.

"X," he stated calmly, using the familiar endearment rather than the intrusive use of her first name. He could see her eye flit from the machine, subtly watching him and he took a step closer knowing his presence, eventually, would make her react. She took a step back in response, head tilting towards him as her eyes glared a warning. At least now, he was getting somewhere.

"We need to discuss this," he stated, his words becoming softer under the wind. He watched as her jaw clenched in concentration as she struggled to keep her mind trained on the paperwork. He remained, unmoving, and she eventually released a defeated sigh, tucking her clipboard under her arm as she turned to face him.

"Sir, I note your concern but I don't think the situation warrants further action," she stated formally, her tone distant and unengaged as she silently moved to pass him "Of any kind," she muttered under her breath.

He reached out a hand to her arm and she instantly flinched, jolting away, but paused giving him the opportunity to speak. He opened his mouth to argue against her words but stopped himself, his mind mulling the situation. She had just given them both an out; sweep in under the rug, pretend it never happened, erase the last few days from their minds. He had offered her the same when she had been posted two years ago. His heart was telling him to fight, but as his eyes swept along the aesthetics of the ship, his sailors toiling, the logo of the Australian Navy plastered around them, he felt his other love win out as he turned to her giving her a curt nod. He accepted.

She nodded in response as she exhaled deeply, silently moving past him. They were level when she suddenly stopped and he raised his eyes to hers. He gave her a small nod in acknowledgment as he watched her make her way back inside, the resounding click of the door finalizing their agreement.

He turned, hands cupping the railing as he inhaled the salt air, watching the water churn as he gazed outward, marveling at the view, even after so much time.

And for the first time, it did not feel like enough.


End file.
